I Married Myself Because I'm the One Who Stayed

If you've read my work before, you already know this isn't sudden.

I didn’t marry myself because I stopped believing in love.

I married myself because I learned what love costs, and I paid it anyway.

I am not doing this for ceremony.

I am doing this for permanence.

This is a commitment to the one person who never left.

⸻

Vows to My Past Self

I vow to stop calling you resilient like it was a compliment.

You were a child who learned survival before safety.

You were a teenager who learned silence before softness.

You were a woman who learned endurance because no one showed you consistency.

You were not dramatic.

You were accurate.

I vow to stop apologizing for how you adapted.

Nothing about you was excessive... it was proportional.

I see you now.

The hyper vigilance.

The self containment.

The way you learned to stay still so nothing would break louder.

You didn't ruin anything.

You kept us alive.

I will never again speak about you as if you were a problem to overcome.

You were the solution.

⸻

Vows to My Present Self

I vow to stop abandoning you in moments that ask for courage.

I will no longer trade your peace for proximity.

Your voice for belonging.

Your intuition for approval.

I vow to treat rest as non negotiable.

Boundaries as sacred.

Recovery as something I protect, not something I perform.

I will not romanticize chaos and call it passion.

I will not confuse intensity with intimacy.

I will not stay where I have to disappear to be tolerated.

You don't need to be smaller to be loved.

You don't need to be quieter to be kept.

You're allowed to take up space without earning it.

⸻

Vows to My Future Self

I vow to leave you a life that feels like refuge, not recovery.

I promise not to make decisions out of fear and hand you the consequences.

I promise not to betray you for familiarity.

I vow to keep choosing alignment, even when it costs me people.

Especially when it costs me people.

If the world hardens you, I promise to soften where it’s safe.

If you forget who you are, I promise to remind you gently, without shame.

I have always come back for you.

I always will.

⸻

I married myself because I’m the one who stayed.

b – the wiccan next door